....as a non-parent.
How weird, huh? My last post was about the death of one of my oldest friends and this followup posting is (hopefully) my last as a non-parent. The circle of life just smacks you in the face sometimes. Our lil one was due LAST Tuesday (some girls take FOREVER to get ready) so they were talking about inducing my wife next Monday. So after drinking hippy-dippy pregnancy tea for the last week and 1/2, getting pregnancy inducing acupuncture, meditating, thinking positive and walking several miles, my wife went old skool. 2 ounces of castor oil!! Yeahhh baby! How very "Litte Rascals" of you!
I was feeling exhuasted last night so luckily, I fell asleep around 10:30. At around 4:00 a.m., her usual groans of annoyed discomfort became kind of...curious sounds of a "what the hell is going on" variety. Judging by the castor induced bathroom noises, I had a feeling what was going on but apparently more than just the ole bowels moving. There's apparently labor pains and contractions...I dunno. It's been such a long, tenuous ride I just have to take it as it comes.
I do think this is it though. God, I hope so. This is all like a really shitty pleasure delay akin to waiting for morning to come on Christmas Eve. Only we can't really sneak a peek at the presents.
In my final posting as a non-parents, I'd like to say the following...
I hope I'm not a shitty dad like the dad in all those "Everclear" songs. I do have to say the correllation between shitty dads and really creative people seem to go hand in hand, but so do the occurances of girls who turn to drugs and porn due to shitty dads. I'll be proud of my little girl no matter what, but a full page spread in FOX will give me pause.
Everyone says I won't be able to do the things I want to do...and that's fine. It's been a pretty great 35 year long ride (36 years on Sunday!). But what people don't realize about me is, I love seeing movies and hearing music. It's a part of who I am as well as filmmaking, writing and general debauchery and adventure. I do hope I am able to calm down a little, but at this moment, I think it would be unfair to my kid to throw away everything I am in order to fit some Americanized ideal of what "a parent" is supposed to be and act. But then again, maybe I'll want to do that. I dunno. We shall see.
I can't wait till my daughter is here, but I wish she and I and my wife could just go away for five easy days in Hawaii or something. We could just veg out and be left alone. I'm sick of the phone ringing and being asked what the deal is. But what's worse is (and I know, I should be all happy and positive) it's never going to end now. Sure, there will be some lulls when people have met the baby and are over her, but from here until she's like, 18....it's going to be non-stop. One thing I've realized over the past 2-3 years is, I need and love my space. We'll see how that pans out.
But most of all...more than anything...I hope the baby is HEALTHY. I'm sure she won't be HAPPY when she comes out, but I pray she's healthy and my wife pulls through perfectly as well. It's all I've been praying for and wishing on stars for so if you read this this morning/day, I would hope you'll say a little prayer for that too.