Monday, September 01, 2008

Douche sandwich

Have I mentioned how much I really hate people these days? If not, "hey...I really hate people these days!" Not just across the board...but mainly these thug looking guys with their droopy pants and tattoos. I swear, I feel like an old man complaining about "kids these days" but it's entirely irksome. When I see these thuggy looking guys I just roll my eyes and laugh. They all look the same! All of you. It's awful.

The other day I was running late for work so I stopped by Subway to get a sammich. As I crossed the parking lot, some douchey looking thug was doing that thug stroll..where they're zombie like and...half-limp and kind of ramble along. Usually holding up their pants as they go. So I see this guy and his girl and I hold the door for them to go in cuz in this time of thuggery, I'm still polite. The guy then proceeds to order probably the nastiest looking/sounding sandwich I've ever seen/heard.

Hot pastrami
on italian
american cheese
cucumber, tomato, onion, jalapenos, lettuce, pepperoncini
Salt, pepper
oil AND vinegar

Normally I don't eavesdrop on peoples orders (cuz it bugs me when people do that to me), but the guy was right in front of me and I sort of couldn't help but overhear. Oh, he also kept his sunglasses on the whole time. So, I get up there and order my normal sandwich but the whole time I'm trying to imagine this douche eating this crap sandwich. What must his girlfriend think? How does one's palette become so warped? How do you figure out that these are the flavors you want and then act on these feelings?? It was disturbing. But, the guy was a douchebag so I chalked it up to that. But still...all I kept thinking was, "man, I'm glad I don't have to eat that."

So I get in my car and crack open the bag and I saw a tomato on my sandwich. WTF? I hate tomatoes! And I watched the sandwich artist build my sandwich...there were no tomatoes. I opened it further and guess what I found? The douche sandwich. Utterly shocking. And no, I didn't try it.

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