Monday, April 24, 2006

Official Stupid Celebrations Week Wrap-Up

I was up at the in-laws all weekend so I couldn't post, but last week was the week of stupid celebrations. First off, last week marked the 100 year anniversary of the San Francisco Earthquake. We Bay Area residents were regaled all week with threatening news stories saying how when the next big one hits (not "if" cuz it's definitely coming) we'll likely suffer the same fate as those in the area did in 1906. That wasn't even the worst part. For me, I couldn't figure out why there was a celebration of a disaster.

People dressed up like 1906ers and celebrated from dawn till dusk on Tuesday morning. Why?? I mean sure, some people just own the old style clothes and want to wear them for anyone who isn't one of their 17 cats, but is this really cause for celebration? It must be because San Francisco went all out to put a rather neat looking light show on at the ferry building and the entire month seems to be dedicated to survivors of the earthquake....90% of whom (and there's only like, 8) were younger than 2 years old! I'm sorry, but that does not count. I mean, technically it counts but that's like saying your mom was a hippy and gave birth to you at Woodstock so you were "there." Come on. The "survivors" even threw out the first pitch at Giants opening day! I not-so-secretly hoped for a broken limb. No such luck.

The other, more annoying celebration, was that of April 20th, or as it's commonly known to self-medicating skeevy stoners, 4-20 DUUUUUDE!!II If you still don't know what I mean, every April 20 (or 4/20) is the day where pot heads get to flash everyone the illegal smile in honor of the day that is synonymous with the number of chemicals found in marijuana. Wheee! Stoners are so lame. I was reminded of how lame several times but most notably at the store where I went to get dinner after having some beers at Dempsey's. As I waited in line (with more beer), some dying to be hip mom in a beret was regaling the checker with stories of her 4-20 celebration and how her son is at Humboldt State and you could "see clouds of smoke" all over town. The checker, who was black and had an eyebrow piercing so she must care, listened politely as she rang up my beer. The woman continued to talk loudly, wanting people to join in her insider knowledge. She finally looked at me smiling and I said, "pot is lame. Why is there even a day to celebrate it. Plus, it's illegal." The checker laughed and said, "totally! I hate weed!" Thus the plot to show how cool a 40 year old ex-hippie can be was foiled.

I mean, some on. I love beer but I don't subscribe to "Drunk Times" magazine or like, post pictures of myself drunk as hell and showing my belly off. Well, not much anyway. But stoners have no less than 5 pot magazines to choose from and love to show of pixx of themselves baked to high heaven. Pot magazines are the worst, too. I mean, they have these erotic pictures of weed. Where's my beer magazine so I can drool over barley and hops? Answer: We don't want one because only morons are fascinated by pot or even their choice of chemical. Where's "Cokeheads Weekly?" Where's "Heroin Fancy?" If you wanna smoke it and you're into it, good for you. But sharing it with the world with your lame magazines, your glass bong and pipe collection and various pot-head bumper stickers is just silly. Grow up.

Thus ends my rant and officially caps the end of Stupid Celebration week. Until next year that is...

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