Monday, April 30, 2007

Ramblings from a rut

I'm in a rut. I feel bored and restless...stressed out and lazy. I have equal amounts of things I want to do, need to do and should do, yet don't do anything. Aside from Spiderman-3, there's nothing I'm really excited about. I hate feeling this way.

I spent this morning trying to avoid getting out of bed and basically scrolling through all the crappy thoughts in my head. Then, when I finally got up and got in the shower, I tried to think of what I could do that would make me "happy." Until recently, I took a perverse pleasure in beating myself up and feeling crappy. So, rather than jump into that mental cesspool again, I asked myself point blank what would make me happy. Nothing came to mind. But, I figured I'd write some stuff here because I've learned that just doing little things can get you going again. Soo.....

Last night I had a dream that I was watching a super sneak preview of "Indiana Jones 4." It was o.k. There was alot of running going on. That dream segued into a dream where I had been forced to be a kindergarten teacher for a day. I wasn't too worried until I got to the class and just drew a total blank on what I should do. I also remember the teachers assistants asking me to sing a song with the kids and I couldn't think of any. Then I remembered "Old Dan Tucker" and we sang that. Either before that or after, I had a dream that I was handing out snacks to the kids at my work and it was basically a big bin of gross looking saltines. The kids weren't happy.

Last week on my way home from work, I stopped at the liquor store to get a diet coke. I saw a mom from my work buying 2 pints of "Damn Hot" cinnamon schnaps. This woman just had a baby 3 months ago and it was in a stroller in the store. Hher other kid is a lil on the slow side too. I kind of hid in the back of the store until she left but as I went to my car, I felt relieved. I had always thought the woman was just stupid, now I realize she's just a drunk. At least she walks around town all day with her kids instead of driving.

I went to the Butter and Eggs day parade Saturday in Petaluma. It was so-so. I didn't see as many people as I thought I would. I had a bunch of beer and only ate a corndog. My sister offered to take Igby to my moms and then come pick me up and take me home later. That was awesome of her. I needed to get home because I wanted to see a concert that night. My sis got me home and I ate a cold pork chop from the fridge and called my friend Kevin to see if he'd come get me. I then promptly passed out and missed my ride. I called Kev and he said he rang the doorbell and called me 3 times and nada. I was out.

Rather than call it a night, I took a cab down to the show. I asked the cab driver if he knew Norman Greenbaum. He said, "No, but that song kicks ass!!" He and I then sang "Spirit in the Sky" for the duration of the 10 minute cab ride. Norman Greenbaum lives in Santa Rosa which seems really cool to me, I thought the cabbie might have known him.

The show I went to was good, but I was just beat down tired and drunk. I took another cab home and had the cabbie take me through the Jack-in-the-Box drive thru.

So...there's my random musings. I feel much, much better.

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