Wednesday, December 28, 2005

There's a disease....rollin' 'round the hospital...

Ugh. I've been feeling real sick these last few days. I don't think I can go to work tomorrow. As such, I've put the wife down to bed and succesfully snuck out of the house and down to 7-11 for a 6-pack of coors light (to get me through a second viewing of ELIZABETHTOWN on my Mac...and no, it's not out yet), some Vitaminwater (lemonade is my morning poison) and some chocolate hostess donette gems which will be delightful over said Vitaminwater and morning coffee. Repeat that whole last paragraph in joyful "Stewie" from THE FAMILY GUY speech and you'll see why I'm so giddy. INDEED.

Yet something always bothers me about our local 7-11's. Well, three things...

1. Don't call me "boss." It makes me feel bad. Why not call me "Massah?" I'm no more your boss than you are mine. In fact....who can refuse to sell me beer? You. Who is in charge of changing the Big Gulp machine? You. Who's in charge of putting new hot dogs on for me? You. Who squeezes new cheese into the nacho machine at 2 a.m. after I stand there for 5 minutes wondering why it won't come out? You. Who politely looks the other way as I cherry pick items off the counter and put them in my pocket? You, sir. You. In short, I should be calling YOU "boss." Not the other way around.

2. The counter at 7-11 is not a casino, dude. I understand you won 4 free tickets and/or $5.00 on the California Lottery. But take your f-ing tickets and go scratch them somewhere else...these nachos are HOT! And Goddam it, don't even try to remember your lucky numbers it at home.

3. Who the hell are you people talking to EVERY time I come into a Quick-e-Mart or 7-11!?! No matter what time (including 12 midnight on a 30 mins ago) 9 times out of 10 there's a guy working the counter wearing gold chains and an employee shirt yammering on the phone in his native tongue. I talk to enough of these guys to know that these Quick-e-Marts are family owned and run. Are you calling home because rates are cheaper at work? Does the Persian Godfather who owns the joint keep calling in and seeing how much Slurpee is left? Seriously, next time you're in one of these places, check and see if the counter guy is on the phone. It's a solid 90% of the time. They probably are talking to no one and just don't want to talk to me.

Anyway....I'm opening ELIZABETHTOWN now...the most honest mistake a filmmaker has made in a long while. Good night, and Good Luck.

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