Friday, January 13, 2006

DING DONG the Wicked Witch is....MOVING!

When we moved here, I was happy to have a house with a yard. I loooove to barbecue! I like to do it alone in my backyard, some beers, some CD's and some sunshine. It's my little vacation from life. We have a super cool little yard and I was psyched. That was until about 9:00 p.m. on the night we started moving in. A bunch of us were sitting in our vacant living room, talking and having some drinks when suddenly, there's the doorbell. My wife answers it and it's a raggy looking red headed chick in a bathrobe. "Yay," we both thought...."the neighbors want to say Hi!"

But the lady just stood there with a look on her face kind of like when you smell sour milk. "Uhhh...yeah," she says, "'s 9:00 and we have children so, we're going to sleep." No "hello," no "welcome to the neighborhood." That was more or less the greeting. Furthermore, we were talking in our house. Not partying, or screaming....sitting around chatting. So, that was crappy. We kind of laughed it off kept happening.

Cut to a few days later. 9:15 p.m., TV is on, front door is open because it's 90 degrees and we don't have AC. *knock* *knock* *knock* "Hiii...yeah, can you close your door? We're going to sleep"....on and on this went on.

A few days later the redhead and her cuckolded hubby and their 2 doomed kids went out of town leaving the house in the capable hands of her 18 year old Eminem wannabe son. What did that mean? Parties 4 straight nights until 4:30 a.m. We didn't say a word because hey, sometimes neighbors make noise. And, we wanted to have ammo for the next time she griped. When they got home, the teen was kicked out of the house, evidently some other neighbor decided to shoot their ammo prematurely. However, a week or 2 later, we were fully stocked.

I had been at Hooters in San Francisco ALL DAY and was "asleep" by 11:00 p.m. It was around that time my wife heard a melee next door. Apparently the redhead and her hubby were having it out and she started screaming at him "I've been a whore....I've been a jezebelle....I fucked other men....I squealed like a pig for you!!!" and on and on. My wife sat on the back porch taking notes on the whole thing. A few days later, our cousin was over with her fiance and we were again, talking in the house with the door open cuz it was hot. Here she comes....pig squealing jezebelle herself....*knock* *knock* *knock*. Well, my wife (bless her) was prepared and told this beeotch off. She told her that her son ahd a party, we didn't complain, she fights with her husband at midnight, we don't complain..."live and let live" is what my wife said.

Well, the "fight with your husband" comment knocked her for a loop and she tried to backpeddle saying it wasn't her. But strangely, she never came over again. Well, one time we were having a Hootenanny in our backyard and I think she was going to bitch, then she saw 15 people and our neighbor from the other side and let it slide.

Lately they've been doing a bunch of work on their house and in this sellers market, that can mean only one thing. We waited and spied and prayed and then, Wednesday morning, a moving truck pulled up next door. They started bringing in boxes! Boxes came out full! The neighbors stayed the night somewhere else!!! In short....'BUH BYE!!! Parties at our house all summer!!!

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